Unglued - Ch.6 ~ The Stuffers

I wanted to start by answering the questions from Melissa Taylor's blog....


1. What is the main point of Chapter 6, The Stuffers?

The main point is that stuffers stuff emotions for two reasons - either to collect retaliation rocks for later or to build a barrier of protection. We do this depending on who we are dealing with at the particular time.

2. What is your favorite sentence, paragraph, example from Chapter 6?

I think I am going to have a couple of these..."As a Christian woman I sometimes stuff because it feels more godly." Another is "My job isn't to fix the difficult people in my life or enable them to continue disrespectful or abusive behaviors. And I will end with this one: "...God whispers, "This is good. I hope you are listening so you can apply the same truth to your life." Man does that happen a lot or what??!!

3. Are you a stuffer? Do you know a stuffer? How will what you have read in this chapter help you?

Yes, I am a stuffer too, and I know a stuffer. This chapter is so amazing. It puts into words what I could not articulate. I have a better understanding of who I am and why I do what I do...now to make some imperfect progress!

4. Write one of the memory verses from memory. Ok...Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. I Peter 5:8

5. Share at least one of the reflection questions with the rest of us in the comment section of this blog. - Done - shared question #2.

Chapter 6 Refections:

Love Proverbs 10:19 - Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

Proverbs 15:18 - A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.

As a Christian woman I sometimes stuff because it feels more godly. The end result is that the hard feelings dissipate. If they don't, they get stuffed...and that's the trouble.

Open communication is the life giving oxygen that fuels good relationships. The difference between boundaries and barriers is honest transparency.

Ask yourself, "What do I really want in this situation?"

Impossible People  

All things are not possible with those who refuse to be led by the holy spirit. If someone has told me over and over by their actions and reactions that they will make my life miserable if I confront them, at some point I have to back away. I can control only myself. My job isn't to fix the difficult people in my life or enable them to continue disrespectful or abusive behaviors. Allow God to reveal some tender truths to you and stop focusing on the fixing the other person. Be obedient to God in the way I act and respond to those people.

Romans 12:17-18 - Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.



Processing Questions:

1. Will I still remember what I'm so mad about a month from now?

2. Am I trying to prove that I am right or to improve the relationship?


Questions that redirect my focus from proving myself to improving the relationship:

1. Will you help me understand why you feel this way?

2. Can we both agree to stick to the issue at hand and not pull in past issues?

3. What is a good desired outcome in this situation?

4. How can we meet in the middle on this issue?

5. What is something good that can come out of this issue - something that will improve our relationship moving forward?


Feelings

Feelings are indicators not dictators. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn't mean they have the right to dictate your behavior and boss you around. You are more than the sum total of your feelings and perfectly capable of that little gift from Jesus called self-control.

God gave me more than just a heart to use in processing life. He gave me a mind as well.